INSIGHT OUT By Adina Morris
How Long Until?
Have you ever played the game How Long Until? I have been playing since I was a kid. I would dream about How Long until I could drive a car, go to the mall alone with friends, graduate high school, go to Seminary, get married. You get the picture. Being one of the younger children in my family, I would watch my older siblings go through each stage with anticipation and thrill in their new adventure and mounting privileges. Don’t get me wrong, I was a happy child. I was just excited for every new turn in the path ahead of me.
Each time I travelled through a stage I would look out onto the horizon for what the next bend would bring. When I met my spouse it became an intense game of How Long Until we would get engaged, get married. You get the picture.
We were married a few months and I started in on How Long Until we have children! My husband, wisely turned to me and stated, “You need to stop and enjoy each phase of your life! Don’t just skip ahead to the next stage!” He was right. Life is not meant to be lived as a checklist. Life doesn’t always go in the order you think. You need to be open and flexible. It is so easy to get caught up in looking into the future that you are never really present. I took his words to heart and made a conscious effort to stop playing the game. I began to focus more on living in each moment, taking joy in both the big and small milestones. At first it was hard to always be present and not peak into the future. However, as time marched on it became easy to get caught up in the business of life. I found little time to even think about next week let alone the next few years!
Fast forward and our fifth child had turned one. Suddenly I found myself playing the How Long Until game again. How Long Until we are out of diapers, done with bedtime routine and How Long Until we are done carpooling! Most recently it became How Long Until my husband and I can go on a 10 day vacation alone! This is a fun game to play.
But last month the game turned on me. It became a panic game. How much time do we have left to raise our children, model for them proper values and beliefs? How many more holidays and vacations do we have together as an intimate immediate family, before the first child spreads their wings of independence and begins to forge their own future? Yes, we can continue to model for them through our actions even when they are adults, but the formative most impressionable years will have passed.
The horizon was suddenly very close, perhaps a little too close for comfort. When I took a step back, I found wonderful memories of raising our children and growing our family. There were and still are of course the difficult moments or months depending on the child and the circumstance, ups and downs, laughter and crying, joy and heartache. But we were and continue to be present in each of those moments. As we watch our oldest prepare to leave our carefully crafted nest, the road has shortened somehow. Now my husband’s wise words from our early years of marriage come flooding back to me, “You need to stop and enjoy each phase of your life!”
There will G-d Willing be time for vacations for me and my husband in the future. But for now I will enjoy these years we have together with our children still at home.
Our five year old came to me after dinner one evening and said, “ Mommy can you please read to me? I’m ready for bed.” I responded “Yes, let’s read.” As we snuggled together reading the same book we had read every night that week since we took it out from the library, I didn’t play the How Long Until game. Instead I relished in the sweetness of our precious child and his delight in our Mommy and Me bedtime routine.
I am grateful for the years I’ve had and continue to have in raising our children. As our oldest child wisely said, “as I start my senior year in high school this year, the youngest child is just beginning first grade.” To which I replied, “yes, I will be starting all over again!” To which he quipped, “Well at least you’ll be more experienced this time!” Yes, and my experience tells me to look forward to living each day and being present in each moment creating loving relationships and lasting memories.
As we leave behind the Yomim Tovim and all of the joy that comes with the holidays, it it easy to start in again with How Long Until the next holiday? Where can I find the joy over the next few months? Chanukah will be here before we know it, but until then there is much to be accomplished and enjoyed in the regular everyday. A little regular routine is welcomed after a roller coaster of a schedule!
CHALLENGE:How will you enjoy living in each moment today and each day as it comes? #BEPRESENT