INSIGHT OUT By Adina Morris
I attend a monthly conversation with fellow coaches. This past month I had one of those moments where you say, huh…
The leader of the group asked us to ponder a question and then we discuss how we respond as well as then how we can work with clients. It is one of the things I love about coaching because we always try our techniques out on ourselves first;)
The topic of discussion this month was “How are you inspired by your trigger?” So this was one of those questions where you go “I’m sorry, what did you say?” You see, when I think of a trigger, I think of it as a negative experience, and when I think of inspiration, I think of a positive experience. Now, if you ask me to be inspired by my trigger, well I don’t know whether I am coming or going, negative or positive!
As a group we discussed the idea I just aired. It was really eye opening for me to come to the following thought.
When I am triggered, usually something happens and my brain perceives it as a bad thing, usually a very bad thing, (even if it is not really so bad, hence the phrase making a mountain out of a molehill). So the event is the trigger that makes my brain remember a time where something similar to this event happened and it was scary, upsetting, hurtful, anger provoking…. Hence we are then triggered to respond in kind to the memory, regardless of what actually took place in the present, hence sometimes over reacting…
So where is the inspiration you ask? Well, I asked the same thing!
And then it came to me! AHA! What would happen if every time I got triggered (I guess it happens, more than I like or care to admit…) I became aware that this was really a trigger and instead of reacting to the trigger, I think to myself, Hey wait a minute!!! You are overreacting because you were just triggered! What can I do to respond in an appropriate manner right now, instead of going into fight or flight mode because of the intense emotions this is bringing up for me? How can I look at this moment with facts and not emotions of a past event? Eureka! Inspiration! I can be mindful to recognize the trigger for what it is, and then inspire myself to make a better choice and respond more appropriately!
Nothing like the present to try something new! Everyday brings multiple opportunities to try this handy technique out! Recently, I had the glorious opportunity to try this beauty out! Now, I will add, that right before this wondrous trigger occured, I had just read in a Mishpacha article By Sarah Chana Radcliffe about how to combat frustration when dealing with children. Her main point was that education was often what was needed instead of anger when triggered by their inappropriate behaviors. Now back to my inspiring trigger! Someone was refusing to get ready for school, I was triggered and in that moment, I was ready to blow and lose my cool, and then I remembered Radcliffe’s words about education! So instead of screaming I distracted the child and discussed the pros and cons of getting ready for school….
Hey! I just turned my trigger into a moment of inspiration!! And it worked!! The child left for school, and I took a moment to breathe and think….
I think it is a lifelong pursuit to no longer be negatively triggered. We are human and it takes serious control to stop a trigger before you knee jerk react. However, to recognize the trigger dead on, like a deer caught in headlights, that I can do! It will take practice, however, the more I can stop and recognize the trigger for what it really is, the less I will need to react to it, and the more I can make better choices in the moment. Inspiration!
My challenge this week to myself, and all of you is to find inspiration in your triggers! Pull out the headlights and shine them on your trigger! What’s really going on here right now? Is the reaction I am heading for the appropriate response? If not, what is the right thing to say and do, or not say and not do instead? Inspiration!!
I do believe as with all training, the more you work the muscle, the easier it will become for you!
Let me know how your triggers turned to inspiration for you this week!!